On Being and Cold

I become more reflective as the days get colder. I imagine it's because a year both begins and ends in cold, and because it's easiest to think about where time has taken me when I'm not busy thinking about how lovely it is to be outside. And since it is finally double-jacket weather here in Brussels, I am drowning out the cold winds with thoughts about my days.

This has been a year of transition. I began 2012 as an engaged preschool teacher living in Berlin, Germany, and will be ending it as a married intern living in Brussels, Belgium. If you count going to Ohio for the summer to have a wedding, I am living in my third country this year. My job, roommate, marital status, and place of residence have all changed drastically since last time it was cold enough for a jacket over a jacket over a sweater. Even the type of job I'm doing is new; I've gone from working with children every day to interning with an NGO who works with the EU institutions on behalf of organisations who work on behalf of organisations who work with children. My life would completely lack diaper changes and toys in primary colours if it were not for my one-year-old housemate, Sophie. (She keeps me young.)

All of the constant changing makes me think about about changes to come. At what point have we sewn ourselves into the jumpsuit of our choices? I studied practical theology for my Bachelor's. I've been a waitress, an RA, a preschool teacher, and am currently on my third (third!) internship, none of which were related. And do you know what I think about more than anything else? Cooking, a field in which I could not hope to be employed without serious and expensive training. There are days that I want to cook until there is enough food to fill the biggest table, and then I want people to surround it and partake in true Viking fashion, with optional cutlery. I would love to travel the world, mostly to learn how to make their most treasured dishes from somebody's mom, who obviously knows the secret to making it better than anyone else ever could. What I don't know is if it's a future to build toward, or something I want to do while figuring out what I want to do.

People who have a firm grasp on what they want to do have always been enviable. It seems to me that most medical professionals have known which career path they wanted to pursue from childhood onward. I assume the same can be said for firefighters, police officers, and super heroes. My husband has known that he wants to teach philosophy since he took his first philosophy class at college, and I love him for it. I, however, have never been that kind of person. So how does one who does not know what she wants step forward?

At the very least I can hope that somewhere there is an intersection with my name on it, where relationship building, cross-cultural connecting, theology, social care, and culinary arts all meet. I believe that is where I would like to build my house someday.

Happy November, everyone.